Scared Sacred

I'm not gonna lie....these past several weeks I have felt afraid. I've also felt empowered, angry, happy, peaceful and full of love. I remind myself that I can hold more than one thing at a time.

I am aware of is how important it is for me to acknowledge my fear - I paint about it, write about it, scribble or talk it out. And of course this in itself is a process, because my first reaction is to slap Fear in the face and run away screaming! Feeling and acknowledging this is uncomfortable business and I don't like it.

However, unacknowledged or unattended fear disconnects me from my truth and knocks me off balance and I can't function like that for too long. The upside to this is fear ALWAYS gives me a choice to turn my scared into sacred and my fear into faith. Remembering to breathe and to stay present is key.

 I can't imagine where I would be without my community of process artists and fellow creative self-discoverists. Process art provides a way for me to meet myse…

Trusting Stillness

If I had a dollar every time the word TRUST came up in my art and writing. I'd be a rich woman. Working creatively - not for product but for the process that occurs - allows me access to a rich knowing that exists within. And for this I am grateful because I need to be constantly reminded to trust the body I inhabit. And that it's okay to get frustrated sometimes, but ultimately she is serving a purpose - stillness.
Living with a chronic illness for several years has been hard for me to accept. I have so much I'd like to do and often times feel burning with light and intention inside only to be kept down by a body wracked with fatigue, pain, anxiety and the weirdest of symptoms.
This past week has been particularly hard. I cannot describe how it feels to be healing emotionally and spiritually and not have my body following along. So many of the books I've read and the podcasts I've listened to have told me that if you look within, and begin to heal, transmute and int…

A Wound With A View

If you've read some of my past blog posts or have taken any of the classes offered at Inside Out Studio, you know I believe we are living in a time of great transformation and that many of us are being called to to uncover some of our biggest and deepest wounds in order to transmute them - myself included.
For the past year I have been working on transmuting my deepest wound this time around - the primal wound of adoption. It has taken me 50 years to recognize how the separation from my mother at the time of my birth was a trauma. A trauma that has helped to unconsciously steer much of  how I've responded (or not responded) to people, places and things in my life.
The healing and transmutation of this event is happening and the proof of what can unfold in my life when I do is apparent. As I began to work with this in the studio within a few months, I met my birth mother and father. I know in my heart that by beginning to scratch at the surface of this wound, these key players we…

Real Vibes Only

What you think about you bring about. You create your own reality. Positive Vibes Only.

Nope. I can't buy this. I mean, at one time I did....and then after my love affair with The Secret was over, I found myself sitting in a pool of my own shame and self loathing. Why couldn't I manifest my reality? Why couldn't I think positively all the time? What was wrong with me? 

What I discovered, was that there was NOTHING wrong with me. Shit happens. We are on planet earth. We are spirits in the material world and the material world is a mixed bag. Suka Duka - What goes up, must come down.

So why has our culture (at least in some circles) become enamored with this? Maybe because we love pain...or maybe because we like to cause others shame. OR maybe when things are really bad for someone it's easier for us to pass it right back on to them, instead of really looking and feeling into it with them....because that would be seriously uncomfortable. And why is it uncomfortable? Because…

It Won't Always Make Sense

Lately I have been ridiculously grateful for the 20+ years of process art practice I have under my belt. Because seriously? Shit is getting weird and right now, it's not making sense.
If there is one thing I've learned from creating in this way it's that things generally won't turn out as planned - sometimes they'll be infinitely better and sometimes not. But no matter what... with process art, it doesn't matter. Things don't have to make sense or look "right". I create with my intuition. I let my decisions about what comes next arrive from what stirs my heart and soul. 
Naturally, this practice finds its way into my day to day life and I notice I am able to meet things with a tad more grace than I have in the past. Sure, it's not always comfortable but when I can call myself home and can just be present...I know I am okay, as is.
 Paint, images, water and presence - sometimes it's all that's needed for a fresh perspective.

My Story Of Being Lazy

There is a story I like to tell myself when things don't seem to be moving as I'd like in my life. I am not sure where or when it started, but it’s been with me for decades - my story of Lazy. Maybe it was created after years of buying into society’s sparkly idea of success – GO. DO. NOW! Or maybe it's something else. Honestly, the origin doesn't matter much anymore. What does matter is that I recognize it when it rolls around and that I meet it with as much awareness and kindness as possible.
As I continue my unfolding I notice that I'm actually not lazy. I am highly sensitive as well as introverted. Oh and my body is working to heal an under active thyroid. Because of this, I need lots of time to regenerate especially if I have been around lots of people. And as I continue to take the time to listen to my body, I find there are certain things I just can’t do well anymore like chase shiny things or pretend to be someone I’m not - especially the pretending.
 And I&#…

Creating More Space In My Life

As someone who has been living with chronic pain and fatigue for over 8 years now, I have to constantly remind myself that these things do not define me. I can feel like "death warmed over" and still hold my fire and bring my light, in every moment.

My art reminds me that I can hold more than one thing at a time and that pain and fatigue aren't the only things occurring. My art also gives me permission to feel how I feel when I feel it. So yeah, I can paint death warmed over one day and by the next, fire and light. 

That is the magic of process art. I don't have to know where I am going with it. I don't have to create a beautiful masterpiece for someone to hang on their wall. I just move as I am authentically led, from the inside out and in stillness, the rest happens naturally creating more space in my life for new things to arrive.

Stephanie Gray is a writer, artist, process arts facilitator and creative self–discoverist.
Her main focus is working with people as th…