In the past I would have done anything to escape this truth. Eat, sleep, smoke, watch tv, drink....or indulge in the combo platter.
EVERYWHERE I turn lately, I am poignantly reminded of how things can change on a dime. Companions once relied on, are just gone. Poof! Good health and sturdiness of body...Poof! Friends, siblings and acquaintances facing possible life-altering or life-ending diseases. It's simultaneously feeling like way too much and also, doing the magical work of opening my battered heart, so I can feel more and completely.
When I walk with the knowledge that nothing lasts and everything ends, I find I can meet situations and people in a clearer way. The old stories of (he did this, or she did that. or next time I will say it) fall away and I am left with shining clarity and the brilliant presence of myself and another. I am blown away by the abundance and gratitude I feel, when I can sink into what is. It's as if cataracts have been removed from my eyes and I am left with the clearest of vision.
Of course this clear vision isn't my constant companion. It comes and goes. I am thankful when I have it and also know it will leave me sometimes. Like yesterday,
after my brother called me to tell me about some disturbing physical issues he's had lately. Yeah, that vision went straight out the window. I cried and ate two peanut butter cookies while watching Netflix in my PJs at 430 in the afternoon! FUCK and HOORAY. I am human, I feel and don't want to feel. I love deeply and it hurts sometimes.