I feel like I’ve just finished a very intense and in depth master class. If the course had a title it would probably be something like, “Adapting To The New Paradigm - Reading Your Energy To Know What’s Working”. It’s been a totally immersive, 8 week lesson that started with looking at how much money my husband and I have and allowing the number to freak us the fuck out. So much so, that the only alternative we felt we had was to sell our home. The minute we decided this, it felt unbelievably sad and we both experienced a huge amount of grief around the idea of letting this “family member” go.
After we worked through the grief, we set about engaging in a string of contract signing with several companies and individuals who wanted to buy our house. It was excruciating and confusing to watch each deal that we'd make, magically dissolve into big piles of steamy horse excrement. All the while, each step we took was bizarrely out of sync with our normal way of being in the world. Our decision was led entirely by fear, desperation and a clingy-ness that felt at times unbearable. We were snapping at each other and losing sleep, yet as each offer and contract fell away for one reason or another, we just kept at it….feeling more and more uncomfortable and stuck.
Yesterday morning, as we faced another day of fighting with the individual we were currently under contract with, we decided it wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t working. It hadn’t worked since day 1 and the way we physically and spiritually felt about it was ALL wrong. Our bodies were tired and sick from it and in that moment, feeling into what it would be like to stay in the house…..my entire energetic makeup changed. I felt lighter and free and I knew this was the right decision. I asked my husband to imagine the same thing and staying in the house felt right and light for him as well. Within an hour we had broken the contract to purchase our home and both had the best night’s sleep we’ve had in weeks.
Has anything changed on the material level? Nope, not really, but our decision to go within and check on what FELT right feels like it’s shifted everything. I have a deep trust that things will work out simply by putting my attention on what fells right. I feel like I can hear internal guidance again and I feel hopeful.
I believe this shift that’s happening in the world has everything to do with feeling and moving from a place of intuition and faith and nothing to do with forcing my dominance and will onto something. It’s bringing in a whole new level of “going with the flow”. Doing things the way I’ve “always done them” is now like banging my head against a wall that actually doesn’t even exist anymore.
As I lean back into the knowing that we will be sharing our life with this home for a little while longer, I feel held and comforted. This feeling of comfort brings in a wave of peace and an awareness that I am supported and that I don't have to know exactly how this will work out, just that it will.
I'm pretty sure I passed this course and it's nice to have a little break from Universe University. I hope the next session will be a bit less Intense. And as I type this I realize that's entirely up to me.
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