It's been a tough week. My canine companion, Sami is 13 and is one of the great loves of my life.. Recently it has become difficult for her to get up on her own. She has also stopped eating certain things. I feel the inevitable end rushing towards us and it is breaking my heart.
My heart continues to break for the state of the world and our country, sometimes waking in the morning feeling as if this sacred organ living in my chest is in shreds.
I struggle with the desire to push it all away....to run from the sadness and pain of it. I struggle with wanting to know how and when it all ends.....what is the resolution???
In the end I give into the pain and suffering I feel. I FEEL it. I work with the feeling and where it resides in my body. I scribble and paint and move with it. I write about how I am feeling and what it is bringing up for me. I work, from the inside out.
Combined with the knowing that I can hold more than one thing at a time and the realization that these are the tough spots that currently have no resolution. I feel it, and work with the ambiguity of it. I stay with the see-saw feeling of the unknown and things open a bit. The pit in my stomach is gone this morning. There is room for some joy and smiles and a walk in the early morning sun.