For the good part of a year I have been magically immersed in Sarah Oblinger's Homegirl Walkabout and it's been an amazing experience. I have learned so much about myself in these past 10 months, unearthing priceless nuggets of inner wisdom that would have normally been walked over or brushed aside. Even though this type of work is pretty much all I'm interested in these days I am still really good at distracting myself, so to have a creative vessel in which to contain it all has really shifted things.
This month the theme is dreams. The mere mention of the word dream triggers some pretty old stuff that has been in me for as long as I can remember. This dark, protective voice inside me who tells me to "Play it safe" or "Don't even try." becomes loud and demands to be heard. She steals some of my time and much of my courage and I shut down.
AND then I remember....generally when this dark, protective voice is around... it's good news! Hearing her reminds me that I am stepping into expansive territory and her Soul purpose is to keep me safe and reel me in. She uses every trick in the book to stop me and keep me from harm. She calls me names. She tells me I will fail. She shames the shit out of me and every single time, I buy into it. The remarkable thing that's happening as I do this process art stuff, is that I don't stay hooked nearly as long as I used to. I BOUNCE BACK! And...I am starting to love my dark, shaming voice. She is my protector - my Dark Mama - and even though she can be harsh, I now know why she exists.
When I first started process painting I think I may have been under the impression that eventually I would be "all fixed" and there wouldn't be any snags whatsoever. What I am discovering is there will always be snags...that's life. But how long I choose to stay hooked by the sharp stuff is what this work is about for me.